Tired!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
♥ 23:19
rahhhhh!!! i feel so tired from friday's overnight cycling...my whole body is aching and haven't really got enough sleep from that day...oh wells.... shall go into deep sleep later....
met chuan yao after hearing abt him from the rest for so long! haha..den we realise that we have so many things in common...quite funny larx...haha...it's like we are long lost friends....like the same type of music...study the same course and stuff...haha....thank God that the overnight cycling was a success for so many of us turned up though we were tired from the day's events in school and some of them even had school the next day... good that you guys are still so supportive of YZ's events even though you are so busy... let's continue to pray that the seeds that we have sown will germinate....that they will believe in God...
ahhhh...today was gospel sunday in church and we had a guest singer from aust...her voice is damn nice!!! but too bad she's married...awwwww....i hope the guys who saw her won't feel disappointed...hahaha...just kidding larx...haha...but she was really good...
*yawns* shall go print my notes....schoollllllll tml.... dun feel like going though...oh wells...
I Just Want a Simple Life
Thursday, July 28, 2005
♥ 21:02
Ever since Tuesday's bible study, I've given much thought about relationships. It's is true that when God promises us something, He will give us the best. This would include our life partners. God will send the perfect one for us when the time is right and when He does so, we will really feel the peace of God. However with this promise, it doesn't give us the right to sit and wait for the guy to appear. We have to live our lives to the full still, taking every opportunity to serve God and to do our part as a student or even as an employee in a company. Why waste precious time looking for just someone that loves you when you can use the time to do something more useful? Serisouly I feel that too many of us are wasting our time looking for lost love when we've already been promised that God will provide for us.
School is not any easier. People think that going to the poly means that you can slack but still graduate with a diploma. But I guess the mentality would have to change. I guess that poly life is not any easier than those who are in JC, in fact I think we are under more pressure than those who are in the structured school programme. There are no distinct right or wrong answers when you are in courses that require you to write and write and write. Yes, there are courses that just have the answers there and you can do well if you study but bearing in mind, we also have so many projects that we would have to complete in order for us to pass. Life is easy being a student. We have to do our part no matter where we are studying at. Though I have so many thoughts about studying, I struggle in life too.
I want to lead a life that is easy. I mean who doesn't but isn't trials and tribulations in our lives that make it interesting? What more can we ask for in life when we are already so blessed in Singapore? I think we should just count our blessings and live our lives to the full.
Life ain't a bed of roses
Monday, July 25, 2005
♥ 08:02
Life ain't a bed of roses. We gain some and we lose some. This is a fact of life, no one change it.
To Shirin: I know that this is a very difficult time for you. I've been through it myself. Yupx...cry won't change matters. You have the opportunity to show him how you can live your life without him. Don't cling on to the fact that one day you might get back together with him. It will engulf you and you will soon realise that you live for that hope alone. Nothing else would then matter in your life. Don't make the mistakes I made. Cherish the memories you have and be thankful for them.
I can't help it but think back on how silly I had been waiting all 1 and half years for a guy that seemed to have moved on in life without thinking twice. God knows what is best for us, even if it means taking the guy that we love so much. No one will ever forget their first love, it will always be hidden somewhere in the deepest corner of our hearts.No matter how much we know that fact, we tend to hate God for giving us a shortlived relationship when we always hope for a long term one. But can we change that fact? No, but we can live to be a better person.
It's just like what my best pals said. You don't have to look for the perfect guy for you. When you see him, you would know. It's just like the analogy of shopping for lingerie at the pasir malam. You don't have to continually dig for the perfect inner wear to suit you but it'll be on the top of the pile shouting at you to grab it. It's the same for guys. God will provide. It just so happens that in a moment of folly, we think that the guy we like is the one that God sent to us. Be strong. We don't need guys to survive.
But I would have to say this. To the one that broke jacky and shirin up, sometimes it would be best that we keep our mouths shut when it comes to other people's relationship problems because it would cause an adversed action that would result it people getting hurt. If you want to be there for the person, just listen and not comment. It helps. Because now, you have become the enemy!
Guys, never do things on an impulse. It will really cause someone to be hurt at the end of the day. Girls hate the feeling of being hurt. We don't bounce back as fast as you guys would.
Life ain't a bed of roses. Let's just face up to the facts of reality and live our lives strong. Without all these obstacles in life, we would lead really boring lives. So let's just be thankful for having problems that would help us grow into better people. =)
how much longer can I hold out?
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
♥ 08:58
Yes, I do know that there is a heavenly Father that loves me, but what about my earthly father? Isn't he the one that I should learn to love and respect? But how am I suppose to go about doing it when I hardly feel loved? It's been 2 days and we haven't spoken a word to each other. Why should I be the one apologising when he is the one that caused all these to happen? I can't look my sister in the eye because I am intensely jealous of the relationship that she shares with my father. Giving me material items does not subsitute the love I don't seem to be receiving. What do all of you want from me? There is a limit that I can take. Ever since young, how many times I've longed to get out of this situation but I seem to get stuck in this vicious cycle. What is the use of having a complete family if one child doesn't feel loved? Does it make it any different from coming from a broken home? Live in my shoes for one day and you'll understand what I mean. There is a limit I can take and I'm reaching that point.
i just want to be loved
Monday, July 18, 2005
♥ 20:42
I just want to be loved. Not the way that people would think I am referring to but I just want to be loved by my father. It was a bad start to the morning today. Emotions ran high as I tried to finish my brochure for my graphic design class. Thinking that my class started at 9, my dad kept chasing me causing me to feel even more stressed up. I couldn't take it anymore, finally i gave in, broke down and cried. He thought that I was throwing a fit but I wasn't. He doesn't understand me. He has never understood me. He thinks that he can read me like an open book but he is absolutely wrong. Why?!!! God why did you give me such a father? One who only loves my sister but not me? It's been like that since she was born. I've always suffered the bruant of your punishments, scoldings but never once, have I really been happy in your presence. When people tell you that you are practising favoritism, you always defend yourself. When mum tries to speak up for me, you scold her. If not for her, would I still have a place in this house? Many times you cause me to want to run away. Find a family that will take me in, that will love me unconditionally. I don't want to live in the shadow of my younger sister. As I see fathers picking up their daughters or sons from their kindergardens, I always envy them. Why can they experience such love whilst I can't?
cough cough
Thursday, July 14, 2005
♥ 15:19
sighx...of all times i'm down with a throat infection now! which means I can't go to the hospital to visit my mother in case I spread my germs to her...haix...i really want to be there for her... oh wells....
i keep thinking about you day and night...i don't seem to function well if i don't hear from you for a day! haix...i think there is something wrong with me. sighx...i wanna take the risk and tell you how i really feel but i dun want to put our friendship at risk...just as en said....the friendship that we share is rather special...its hard to find a friendship like we have and i don't want to ruin it because i like you...what am i suppose to do?
as for my mama...the operation went on smoothly this morning and I expect her to be home tml... yays... but that would mean that i would have to recover as soon as possible...
*will we ever be together*
I had Enough!
Sunday, July 10, 2005
♥ 23:43
I want to go for the committee retreat! I want to go for my class chalet!!!! But of course I can't go because I'm needed at home!!! Yes I do love my mum and want to take care of her but really I cannot take it anymore. Why do I have to be the one that is making all the sacrificies while my sister can still enjoy life? So what if I am the eldest daughter??? I still have to do juggle ministry work together with school work and now housework. I've only got 2 hands...how much more do you want me to do? I'm STRESSED! No reasons would be taken in if I ask for an extension of my datelines in school....so what the hell am i suppose to do? My mouth is breaking out in ulcers and my lips are cracking...a clear sign of stress and a bad sign because it means i can't play during band pracs...ARGHS! Sometimes I just wish time would stand still so that I can do all my stuff and I don't have to race against time. Time passes so quickly that it's scary!24 hours doesn't seem enough for me...now i got even more bad news! I can't enter my school e-mail so I don't even know if my lecturer has replied me and sent me the necessary documents for me to continue doing my assignment...haix...i suddenly regret my decision about going to poly much less choosing to do something like mass communications. It's very draining...not only you have to attend lectures and tutorials, i must always be kept on my toes about the knowledge of the module plus all the numerous individual assignmets and group projects..it's enough to take up so much of my time! I feel my energy draining away from me...if only time can stop now!*I miss you....are u even thinking of me?*
exhausted...
Friday, July 08, 2005
♥ 22:19
and i finally i'm done with today's acitivities...baked the entire afternoon with shirin and I realised that we can never put marshmallows in them because when you put it in the oven, the outcome is rather gross... trust me on that...haha...when we having dinner at macs today...shirin posted a very interesting question to me... "What will you do if Yizhong suddenly told you that he still likes you?" i thought about it long and hard...finally came to this conclusion.. I won't accept him even though i have been waiting for him to say such things for the longest time... i finally moved on in my life...i'm still thinking of whether i should take the risk...what am i suppose to do?!
New Beginning
♥ 11:43
I've got a new blog! This would symbolise a new meaning in my life. I hope with this blog, I would be able to share with you the many new memories that I would gather when I start something new in my life.But I'm getting really frustrated at the moment because there seems to be something wrong with my blog at the moment.. can't seem to get my template nicely done up the way i want it to be...sighx....11.36AmYAy!!!! I finally figured out this blogging thing...hahaha...i feel like such a computer idiot but it's okae...i'm starting to get the hang of it...no more one single blogskin to last me forever! haha...diary-x was never so user-friendly when it came to changing my blogskins in the first place...i didn't have the brains to crack the difficult stuff that i had to do anyway..haha...i'm very happy for you shirin...finally what you have been waiting for has arrived! mustn't forget me arhx...now i'm beginning to wonder when it will be my turn...i'm still considering hard enough if i should take the risk and tell that special someone how i feel about him...it has been so long already...just as i was telling shirin last night...the feelings have come and gone for the last 3 years though it took a rather long break when i was with yizhong...but things has since changed... i dun want to deny the feelings i have already...it's been long enough and in the first place, i want to live my life like how shirin said that she's living hers...live my life as though it is my last day on earth...i want to seize every opportunity that is placed in front of me. But i would need the courage to do so....I can only pray that something will spark in me that will cause me to take every chance. Yes I tend to agree with Yien that I should treasure the friendship that me and that special one shares. It's one that seems to be unbreakable but how long can i deny me feelings for him for...am i going to deny for another 3 years? what if it is too late by then? what if he likes someone else??? i cannot forsee myself in the situation trying to be happy for him when i know that my heart aches tremendously because i missed the chance. God what am I suppose to do?
