I've avoided my blog long enough. I'm back with nothing much to update. The only thing that I can say now is that deadlines are driving me insane because the assignments are rather hard to do. In any case, thanks to those who were there, bought me ice cream and gave me a lollipop.

I wish I was a kid once over again - not worrying about anything, crying freely when I need to let things go, not facing with so many expectations nor pressure, heartbreak. There is just too much to bear at this point in time.

When you feel that you need a good cry, you would wish that your tear ducts will co-operate with you. Somehow mine chose not to work with me today and I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to hurt the people around me with my feelings but I really really cannot lead my double life anymore. It's tiring to be happy on the outside and sad on the inside.

I'm tired of living a life that it's filled with people's expectations of me. Nobody said that being the daughter of a pastor would be easy, but I'm tired of all the restrictions that are being imposed on me. Just as people don't like people dictating my life, I feel like people are dictating mine. Decisions I make are not only for myself but for people whose eyes are always upon me and what I do. It's not that I am saying that these restrictions are that bad. Just like my dad would say, these restrictions probably stopped me from having those MAJOR emotional baggage.

if God's expectations are my expectations, life would be so simple. If people start leaving me alone to lead my life, that will be awesome. If my heart could be healed in double quick time, that will do me good. If I never knew this thing called love or heartbreak, then maybe love would mean something different to me now.

Call me emo, call me whatever you wish but if you see me, see through me, see my eyes not just me on the outside. There's more to me than meets the eye. Now the question is, do you really know me?

Where are you guys when I needed you the most?

Omg. The long week of deadlines is finally coming to an end. If one thinks that this is the end, this is only the beginning. Man, this semster can really drive one insane though if I do my stuff on a daily basis, I am sure I will survive. For now, I'm surviving.

You know this thing called technology. Omg! When it fails on you, you feel that all communication channels have been cut off. I felt like that last night when it seemed like I couldn't talk to anyone on MSN especially when I needed to talk people the most. After all, I'm going on this yo-yo, my hormones running amock.

I'm emo. I don't deny that. I blog emo entries but it's me. So whether you like it or not, too bad for you.

Blogging has not become a daily affair for me. For one, I don't know what to blog about especially without divulging into my personal life and have people come question me about what I write. I'm a private person by nature, I hate it when people intrude into my personal life unless I let you in on it.

My personal space is very important to me even though in the future I may work in an industry where my personal life can be compromised. If I can respect your private life, I hope people do the same to me too. Don't step into the boundaries that I have set because if you do cross my comfort zone, you have entered dangerous territory and not only I will turn against you but the people closest to me as well. Take it as a threat to anyone out there because I seriously mean it.

I see no point in blogging about my daily life because it's a routine, with me going about doing the things that I am required to do as a student, leader, daughter, friend. Yes, there are times where I would love to use my blog as an avenue to vent my anger or frustrations but I won't want to use it as an avenue to sow discord with anybody.

That said, I figure that Singaporeans do need to learn basic courteousy when using the public transportation. I have been saying this over and over again but why do people like to dash into the train when people are trying to alight? I mean there is a reason why there is a driver in the MRT, he will know when to close the doors. You won't get caught in the middle unless you jump in just as the doors are closing. It's basic courteousy to let people alight first. You will get your chance to get into the train. Too bad if you get on during the peak hours.

I wish I can tell you how I feel without having to think of the consquences. My only prayer is that what God wants for me is what I want for myself. Human relationships are so complex that it's so difficult to handle. It can be overwhelming at times when the urge to be truthful of how I feel toward you comes so strongly yet I surpress this all inside. I'm trying to take life easy and I think I may be succeeding, but of course, I would love if you can help me along with it.

Consequence is the big word weighing on my mind at this point in time. What will happen if I say this? What will happen if I say that? What will happen if I do this? Will I scare people off? No matter what is going to be said or done, this big word, CONSEQUENCE, will continue to weigh on my mind. It's a scary thought it the consequence is one that two or more people will get hurt or relationships get soured.

Sometimes decisions that have to be made is not just about ourselves. Getting problems solved are not about ourselves either. People always wonder why I am so fickled when it comes to making decisions whether is it about money or is it about human relationships. It's because of the word CONSEQUENCE. It's a heavy responsibility to bear. I don't want to end up hurting people or even myself because I know that it will take a long time for me to pick up the shattered pieces.

I have my own inner demons to fight too. Much as I want to be happy and everything, to lead life as though nothing is bothering me, my inner battles get the better of me. It's terrible when I am fighting so hard, struggling for my life and yet, show the world out there that I am fine. People may think that I am all so perfect, but I am not. People may think that I can handle situations well, but I do not. I am just a normal human being.

I pray for wisdom to solve this problem that needs to be resolved. I pray that God will work in the lives of the parties involved. I pray that I will be able to accept the resolutions when working this problem out because in this world filled with znxiety, I cling on to You God for the faith and strength to go on in life.