So once again it's a tuesday and I am having a super super boring journalism tutorial sitting beside Jocelin who is browsing the web for her friends' blog. AHHHHHHHHH guess wad...she found this blog with the skin that I've been looking for innnnn aggggeeessss!!! AHAHAHAHHA can't wait for her friend to reply her tag.

Anyway these past few days have been really trying because I have to cast aside all that I have been feeling and just treat 52623 as a good friend. In a way it's good because I want to just concentrate on my studies and on serving God. It's not easy but I am goign to try. I no longer want to be the old Eudora that is super affected by guys and never be able to move on in life. I don't want to be like that anymore! Oh GOD give me the strength.

Well, camp is this week and many assignments are due soon too. I'm under tremendous pressure and feel like I can't cope anymore. I can't wait for this week to be over so that at least I have more time to complete my assignments and even study! I don't want to put my studies on hold just because I want to serve God. That's not the way. Since it's already tuesday, I believe time will just fly by before I know it.

Went out yesterday to celebrate Jocelyn's bdae. Had a lot of fun just sitting around and talking rubbish. Haha...went to watch Harry Potter and OMG! Cedric isss ssoooo CUTE! The only thing I probably didn't like was the draggy plot because I almost fell asleep. Oh wells. Better scoot before I get caught.

I had the time of my life on tuesday when we went out! I mean I have never felt so happy in such a long time. Even though we didn't like do much, except for walking around, eating and getting his handphone fixed, it was still enjoyable! Afterall, it's the company that matters right.

I've been rather high about this little outing that we had. I mean, it's like we hardly got to spend time like this for a really long time. Though we are not a couple or anything, there was this connection between the both of us. It just sent butterflies in my tummy, made me see stars, made the hair on my hands stand on their ends.

He was making a list of things that I wanted for christmas. Asked me what I wanted when he tried to recalled them and all I could think of was the answer, 'YOU'. Obviously I couldn't bring myself to say it for I know that there would be this awkward silence. Oh wells. But still an enjoyable tuesday with him!

So much about wanting to just concentrate on serving God and on my studies. I really hope and pray that I won't lose that focus.

Well, the past two days have just been ok except for the fact that I had to attend these two lectures on financials and I don't understand all that was said at alL! Now I know why I'm not studying accountancy. I bet I will just flank the course and never be able to raise my head up high again. EUDORA AND FIGURES DON"T MIX! haha...I officially came to that conclusion last night after putting myself through an agonising 2 hours just to grapple with simple accounting concepts.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Oh wells.

It's been almost a week since I last blogged. Nothing much has since happened in my life except for the fact that school has started full-swing and now I'm starting to become all busy with projects and indvidual assignments again. The stress is mounting but I suppose this is really just part and parcel of school life.

The camp is coming! I really don't know how prepared are we to run this camp but I believe that all things are possible if God's presence is with us. I'm excited about this camp because for one, the games are fun and the messages this time are more dynamic. I hope lives would be changed because of this camp, with them being more fervant for the Lord and not be "Christians" in name. It's gonna be a really busy time for the entire committee, tying up all the loose ends.

I'm actually in class now but I have since finished the assignment that has been set for today's tutorial session. Journalism is fun but when you have a writer's block, you figure that everything that you have written is basically just crap - pure crap.

Oh wells. Shall blogg later tonight.

It's one in the morning and I'm still up. I should be asleep by now but there seems to be so much on my mind that I think it would be impossible for me to sleep in peace tonight. At least for now, I am rest assured that the campsite has been paid for and the campsite has been confirmed. But there are still so many things out there for me to do, I have no idea where to start.

Went for breakfast with Vicnan this morning and got to know more about him. It seemed like we youths go through this period of time when we hardly speak to our parents at all. I admire Vicnan for his courage to pursue what he wants. That even with parental objections about the path he chose for his education, he still went ahead and is even financing for his own education. Maybe that's why he is working so hard too. I doubt I would have the courage like him to pursue my dreams even if it goes against my parent's wishes. After all, it was instilled in me that I should honour my parent's decisions and that they know what is best for me.

It's not easy if we want to pursue our dreams. It takes perserverence, patience and even faith. We may know what we want to do but ultimately the process in which we take to finally realise that dreamn would be one that is tough. Many people have lofty dreams but because they are not able to survive through the tough periods, many of them give these dreams up. It's a pity but life is tough.

Randy mentioned that I lost this glow that I used to have. A glow where a Christians would possess. I'm weary. I no longer have the energy to go about doing all these ministry work. Maybe it's because I lack the encouragements? Maybe it's because I don't see results? I'm not sure. All I can do now is pray and ask God for a revival in my life.

The camp is approaching but the attendance is so low that it seems discouraging. May God show me His marvellous work that I may keep the faith again.

Somehow I just feel exhausted. No amount of sleep can make me feel rejuvinated. I am always tired. Maybe I'm mentally, emotionally and physically tired. Maybe even spiritually tired. I'm not supposed to feel this way but somehow I don't have the mental capacity to keep telling myself not to feel like that anymore.

It's so ironic that all of us are feeling tired at the same time. Maybe it is because of our gruelling schedules with the musical rehearsals, the impending camp and at the same time trying to cope with the demands of school. School is not easy with the number of assignments that we have to deal with weekly or even daily. What is even more ironic is that I am the one telling the rest not to give in to their negative thoughts but I am the one who is giving in to them. What am I suppose to do?

School ain't that easy after all. So what if I have a slack timetable? The extra time that I have is taken up by doing all the assignments that have been set for me to complete. As I look through my notes and the things posted online daily, I can't help but feel the amounting pressure on me. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself. I want to excel and now is the time to really pull up my socks and put in everything I have.

I'm tired. I don't know what more I can do for church and school. The camp is approaching but not many youths have signed up. I'm disappointed but at the same time praying very hard that God will prove to the camp committee that more youths would sign up and the target would be reached. I pray that this camp will be a successful one.

It's been 3 days since I last blogged and obviously nothing much has happened. School is moving along as usualy just that I have been delievered the good news that I don't have to be in school on Thursdays! It's like a bonus for me...to have more time to sleep and do my stuff at home like going for the e-lecture.

The e-lecture is for this module, Media Management Principles. I don't really mind studying at home for that subject but the real sucky thing is that we are unable to download the notes that have been uploaded in accordance with the lecture that has been put up. Like how are we suppose to study for our mid-term and end of semester tests if we are unable to read our notes? Like HELLO! Anyway it's a good experience for all of us and I hope that the problem would be rectified soon so that it can better facilitate our studying. I guess the problem would be brought up to Ms Chua too so I should be whining about it anymore. Hehe...

Well started attending the CDS sessions where we have to ultimately come up with good business ideas that we can venture into maybe when we have the money or something. Had a meeting with our supposed tutorial group today, since 3 of the Year 2s were MIA. But we still had our groupings today. So I am basically grouped with Vicnann, Ariel and Juann. I was thisss close to getting the cutie in my group but well, I guess we are just so not fated together. Haha.. it doesn't really matter to me anyway. Afterall, we are there to work our minds and not our hearts. Plus, we came up with some funny business ideas that can be quite feasible. Another plus point? Vicnann is there to make me laugh! Haha.. he's a real funny person. He cracks up the sillest of jokes but still am serious when it comes to work. Aren't we all the same? Haha..

So much about school. The weekend has arrived again and guess what? It's going to be another busy weekend for me. We are going to try out the games that have been planned up for the camp so that we can bond and try to improve on the games if need be. Guess we'll be having a blast. Haha.. plus we are starting registration for the camp full swing! The whole church is going to be involved this time. Coz why? We placed all the registration forms in the bulletins and am going to make an announcement this Sunday too! Hopefully the church is supportive of us and we are going to get an overwhelming response. *crosses fingers*

You know, I really can't stand people who just can't seem to get what you are trying to say all the time?! It's so irritating. Plus I don't like those who call, then don't say anything at all and when you ask them about it, they don't seem to reply you. I mean ya, I understand that you can accidentally press the button or something but still, can't you just apologise? It makes the person sound so stupid to say hello all the time and not get any response. People, please be more responsible? It's for the good of mankind if we are all responsible. Seriously.

it saddens me to hear of news of terrorist attacks again. Why are people so hungry for power? Why are they so fervent in wanting to get their own ways? Why can't we all live in peace and harmony? The world is no longer a safe place to live in. Like seriously. We live in fear everyday, not knowing what will happen to us. Will we be one of the casualties of such attrocities? Maybe we are really coming to the end of times where Jesus will be returning any day now. I'm not ready for what is to come. I'm not ready to face God and give Him an account of my life. Because I know that I am not doing enough to please Him. It's hard but now I've got to try even harder. I don't want to be like the person mentioned in the bible about not being serious about my faith and at the end of the day, unable to enter the kingdom of heaven. The mere thought of it sends shivers down my spine. It's time!

People say that life is full of ups and downs, life is about making choices, life is about meeting people. Somehow I have had enough of all this crap about life because life to me is something so fragile that it seems worthless to lead a life anymore.

I know that the purpose that I am born or rather why I am living is because I am to do God's work. But it's hard to believe that God really wanted me here to be His shining light because I feel so unhappy. Unhappy with myself, unhappy at home.

Outsiders will look at my family and say that I am blessed to have parents like them but do they really see the real picture? I know that I shouldn't be saying all these. Afterall, God did not give me a choice to be born in a family that I would love to live in. But things are just so tough when negative feelings are abound between me and this family member. Why scream at me at the slightest whim? Why doubt me when I am being genuine? Why treat me like I was picked up from the rubbish bin?

I want to live in a home where I feel loved. There's no need to give me the best of everything but just give me all the love that you can give. That's all I ask. Is that asking for too much? Haix.

The new school term has begun. The timetable is rather slack with me only going to school in the morning. But I guess it's God's blessing because He knows that I would not be able to cope with a tough timetable with all the impedning activities in church and all.

Oh wells. So much for rejoicing about that.

I can't wait. School is starting next week and the excitiment is getting to me. *ya rite* Anyway school is indeed starting soon and this time, I am really going to mug and score my distinctions. Lofty ambitions? I'm not sure but I'm going to works toward it. I hope that with good grades and all, I can secure a good intership at some good firm.

Had this family day thing at my dad's church today. It was fun because we went bowling and somehow I felt like I had the time of my life. Maybe I should join my parents there more often since it has been in my intentions of moving there. Am I doing the right thing? I guess today was somewhat like the stepping stone for me to build better relations and maybe then moving over would not be too difficult a thing.

I was suppose to get my new phone today!!! But what I saw in the newspaper this morning and the promotion that I saw in the shop was different. A HUGE DIFFERENCE! It was like a difference of $200. So in the end I didn't get the phone. Looking a changing subscribers as well, maybe then I would be able to get a phone at a cheaper rate with better deals. Ah I'll just think about it.

OOOOO...it's 52623's birthday tomorrow and we are going out! I can't wait since he wants to do crazy stuff with the seven of us. HAHA! LAMERS OF YZ UNITE!!! Haha..quite cool la. It's just like a family affair or smthn like that with all of us celebrating each other's birthdays. I can't wait to see what's planned up for mine when I turn 18 next year on a SUNDAY!!! Haha,..I'm going bonkers already!!

Time of baking tomorrow with Shirin coming over to my place again. Well this time my mum said that besides washing up the bowls, we would have to mop the floor too! Never mind. I'll just do it.