It's now 3.17pm on 31 December 2006. I have finally finished tying my loose ends for the year and the feeling that is felt within me is somewhat bittersweet. Should I be relieved that I finally did what I had set out to achieve by the year's end? Should I be sad because of the outcomes of tying up my loose ends? I seriously don't know. Maybe it's good that I no longer have to worry and most importantly know that the air between people have been cleared.

I don't look forward to the new year ahead. Though the big challenge is there when you know that the year ahead would be filled with many uncertainties especially with my internship placement, what I'm going to major in by the year's end. Time zooms past me without a doubt, often leaving me with little time to stop and know that God is here. I don't stop to smell the flowers nor do I stop to gaze and look at the stars just like how I used to.

Yet, on this day I thank God for the things that He has done for me. I thank God that he has brought me new friends, friends that I can rely on. I thank God for healing my pain when I was in despair. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to serve Him in the musical when I knew that what kept me going through that time was my love for performing. I thank God even for the post performance syndrome. I thank God for giving me the courage to tie my loose ends and even the strength to be me.

God, I don't know what You have planned ahead for me but You hear my silent prayers and I believe that You will answer them in your perfect timing. Yet God, I pray that you give me courage and strength to go on from day to day especially to face the many uncertainties of the day. Let me be the person whom You want me to be.

5 movies in two weeks is definitely a new record for me. This is definitely excluding the movies I'm watching for film theory assignments. I think I'm going to die from excessive movie watching. Anyway it's another day and two hours before the year comes to an end and us ushering the new year. So the crunch line is, how many of us are tying up our loose ends?

I know loose ends are difficult to tie when situations are tense and worst still when there are so many things that are on the thin line that should anything happen, we say bye bye to the things or people that mean a lot to us. Sighs. I don't want this year to just go by like that and me not being able to do the things I need to do.

I wish that as this year draws to an end, I will be finally allowed to stay out late! I mean I know where my parents are coming from when they don't allow me to stay out late but then again, I really want to because I want to hang out with my friends - attend my first party, attend some countdown party that is outside church etc. I wonder when the time will come when I will be allowed to stay out late.

This holiday season is one when I have seen that I am not the only one suffering from this loneliness. The movie has taught me that there are alot of people out there who experience the same loneliness and hurt that I suffer from too. I'm not alone. Yet Lord I pray that You will help me do something about it. I don't want to feel it anymore. Lord, answer this prayer of mine that I will be able to get over all that I have been feeling so that I can lead a happy life again. Feel the void that has plagued me for the longest time and take away any pain I've been feeling. Let me be loved by someone again.

The Holiday Season seem to be getting to all of us. This two week break that we have from school is insufficient for us to do our assignments admidst all the partying and dealing with our own problems. I need the inspiration to do my assignments, to feed on my creativity to come up with something good enough to get the good grades I want to achieve. I feel like my creativity is in the sahara desert with no water or fluid to sponge on. This drives me crazy.

I long for the laughter and joy that I used to have. I long for things to be simple and I to be simple-minded.

It's the last 20 minutes of christmas before it's the start of a brand new day. Things that have happened cannot be reversed but only can pray that what ever has happened will be thrown into the depths of our memories that we will never remember them. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing in my life, screwing up time and time again especially when it comes to the affairs of the heart. I hate it that I'm always screwing up because I'm too emotional or get too attached with the person.

It's funny that people can say how their lives have been transformed because they have met someone new - someone who loves them etc. I think your life is in your own hands and it's really up to you if you want to change or not. No one can cause the change in your except God and yourself.

It's funny how people say that they can smile again because they have found someone who makes them laugh and smile. Shouldn't we be able to do that on our own because it's dependent on our outlook of life?

It's weird how I can make the most dumb mistake on a special day like christmas and hope that whatever has happened can be reverted. In my dreams maybe it'll happen but in reality, I seriously don't know. All I need is an answer - not the answer I want to hear but the truth. Tell me how you feel. Tell me what you want from me.

I hate this grey line - the line we so often cross between friends and being a couple. GREY LINES ARE SUCKY. I'm afraid I'm not those kind of people who have the courage to just go up to the person and clear the grey line. But yet, inevitably, there will always be grey lines in every friendship and relationship.

Dear God, give me the courage we all need from you. Courage to face and deal with problems that may be hindering my relationship with You and the others. This could be the greatest gift of all if I may have this blessing, Lord. Amen.

The clown musical is finally over! Yet the feelings that most of us feel is bittersweet. Friendships have been forged and relationships established. Performing for the crowd is AWESOME especially when you know that a lot of people responded to God's call for them. =))))))))) The feelings that we all experienced during this musical is one that cannot be described. God has been gracious to me too. I really have to testify of His goodness and grace for taking away the pain of my ankle in order to let me dance during the musical. God must have had His reason for me to sprain my ankle on the Gala night - to see how He works in my life, to witness the power of prayer.

It's the last week before we usher in the new year. I am glad that I managed to do certain things that I planned to do before the year ends - ie. being truthful. Though it's weird when things like that happen, I'm glad the people know how I feel. What's more important, I still have all my friends around me. You know, I probably got this inspiration to be truthful from the move, Love Actually. I am watching it at this point in time even though I've watched it for the millionth time and still love it. One of the guys said, Christmas is a time to be truthful and yes, be truthful people. It's the best gift that you can give to anyone. =)

Anyway people, have a very blessed christmas and new year ahead.

Maybe it was a mistake on my part that now things are awkward between us. But hey, I know our friendship is stronger that we are still cool rite?

Nothing can wear me out this bad except for filming. Woke up bright and early this morning to head down to Eunice's home to get the equipment before heading to Marina South to do our location shoot. Though I was grateful for the sunny weather, it was pure torture being in the sun for so many hours just to get about 10 minutes of footages for a 1 minute public service announcenment.

It helped that we had such co-operative talents who are very talented! The girl was so cute! I could have kidnapped her and bring her home. LOL. Eunice's dad was good too. He is so good with children! Lunch was great too. Had a wild time talking to Eunice's brother, Eugene who was from VS band.

We were practically laughing our asses off when he told us all the funny stuff the conductor at ACJC told the band during practice and how he described his seniors, especially Yizhong. It's quite funny actually to hear how his juniors percieve him - the blur blur look but a lot of girls thing he is cute. It's quite hilarous because it so happened that two silly people fell out because we thought he was quite and fell for him.

Another long week ahead. Oh God. I really need strength to carry on. I feel so weary physically.

This is the time of the year where you tie up loose ends. It's also the time of the year where you will do the silliest things to well but somehow you just laugh all these things that you do off that and deem it as the craziest things you've done.

The year is coming to an end and well, I can't seem to place my finger on whether I've done fulfilled my new year's resolution. But in any case, new year roslution is a thing that probably I will not do for the next year. Why? It's because I have never accomplished a resolution that I made. I think it's because over the course of the year, you tend to forget the things that you have set out to accomplished.

Busy busy busy weeks ahead. I want to collapse already. Filming today and tomorrow and a busy week ahead with musicals and all. Sighs. I wish I got more time to do the stuff I wanted to do this holiday. Bummer. I don't like it that I'm rushing assignments during the christmas period. It's horrid. =( I shouldn't complain that much. Things will only get worse when I'm working. Oh wells. I only can pray for good weather so that we can do some filming.

In me there is this anger. This anger that is slowly building up because I always feel that people especially my friends are taking advantage of me. I somehow never feel appreciated when people approach me for help even though I was willing to help them in the first place. Is it so difficult for people to say a simple thank you? Or why is that I only hear from people whenever they need my help but I don't hear from them when they don't need me? Sometimes it gets frustrating and there is no way in telling the person how I really feel. I am one such person that put other's first and therefore, find it difficult to tell them the anger that is building inside.

On hindsight, today marked the last day of term. I finished my CCC test with no hopes of passing it with flying colours. Maybe it's God's way of punishing me for not doing enough in studying, leaving it to the last minute. I thank God that at least it's the holidays so I can take my time to do some assignments. Just pray for good time management though. I think that there is so much to do during this hols that all I want to do is to have a proper break. Oh wells.

Shopping at Ikea was fruitful. Managed to get christmas presents for people that mean a lot to me. I hope they love the gifts even though they may be small.

I pray that this Christmas would be a special one where true feelings are revealed. Where people around me tell each other how they truly feel and no one lives behind a facade anymore. Give us the courage to make this christmas a special one. I pray that God you work in the hearts of those coming for the musical. May the dance be a honourable sacrifice to u.

You know how I always complain about Singaporeans not being having bad manners while taking the public transport? I think I'm going to be at it again because I CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT understand why people just cannot learn to be courteous! Please don't stand near the door and block the enterance as though SBS Transit and SMRT has paid you to guard the doors for them.

It's finally the last week of the term and there is just so much to do. At least I'm done with my proposals that are due so at least I've got them off my chest. Now is to worry about the impending deadlines once school reopens because the musical is coming up too. This is so worrying! I know that I shouldn't be worrying so much and just concentrate on what I have to do. I just can't wait for everything to be over so that I can have the most sought after break that I long to have. I just wish that I have all the money in the world so that I can go for my holiday and enjoy life just for that short period of time.

I thank God that I have pulled through this term even though the assignments were tougher to do. I thank God that there were people around when I needed them.