Dilema
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
♥ 21:36
There are so many times in life that we have to make decisions and at that precise moment when we feel lost and helpless, somehow there will be people that will encourage and spur us on. However at this moment, I really don't know what to do. It's so hard to open my mouth to tell my seniors how I really feel about quiting band because of my commitments in church and because school is not getting any easier. People always say that being the freshie, there's no reason why we should be so busy but have they actually been in my shoes? It's not easy being in my course because the demands are so different. I feel like I'm racing against my 24 hours everyday and I'm beginning to feel exhausted. I don't have enough time to rest and there are so many things in my mind that is bothering me. How am I to enjoy making music? Moreover I'm not happy in the band. I feel like I'm only contributing to the noise rather than playing music. Seeing the conductor's frustrated face every time he comes for practice is so disappointing and really it's not a pleasure to be there. There'a band practice tomorrow but I don't know how to tell my seniors that I won't be going due to my heavy commitments with my projects. What am I to do now?!
School is getting harder to cope with. Yes, though I'm studying the field that I always want to be in but the projects and assignments that I'm given are so tough to cope with. It's like there is not enough time to do all of it and really it's becoming a chore thinking of all the projects that I have to do with my group. It's not like we don't have our own commitments in our lives. There are so many things that we want to do. I'm tired. Very tired. Can I please quit band now? Can someone give me the strength to tell them how I really feel?
To You: Seeing you week in week out is taking a toll on me because I try so hard to conceal my feelings for you. I don't want to ruin our friendship because of my selfish ways. I don't know how much longer I can handle the feelings that are within me but I promise myself that I will try my best not to hurt you or me because of my desire to tell you the truth about how I feel. It's only here that I dare to speak of the truth because I know that you will never read this lil blog of mine. I love you!
