Is this the season to be jolly? I really have no friggin idea because I am not going to be happy. I don't forsee it but I know it's going to happen. Why?! Because I have to go to my dad's church against my will and I would have to face all the sucky people that question about my hair.

I had that awful converstation with my dad the other day before i went in for my test. Apparently some church member questioned why I dyed my hair. Am I not allowed to? Is there a written rule that a pastor's daughter is not allowed to? I mean look at the kids at their church too larx. Their hair is dyed too and the colours that they dye are much brighter than mine. So who are they to complain or comment about my hair? I do have my rights to you know. I am a girl. I have the right to be vain.

Father, if you think that I didn't think of you before I bought my clothes or even dyed my hair, please think and reflect again. If I hadn't beared in mind that I was a pastor's daughter, I would have most probably dyed my hair bright red or some shocking colour, I would have bought clothes that will expose so much skin that you will probably lock me up at home until I decide to wear a cardigan with it. So stop thinking of yourself. I have the right to individual expression as long as I don't cross that imaginery line drawn up by you or by the expectations of everyone on me.

The tests are over. As long as I don't fail, I think I will be contented. I didn't put in that much effort this time, much to the displeasure of myself. I was too busy doing other things that I did not concentrate on my studies. An oversight on my part. This is terrible. May this be the first and last time that it happens. I cannot let this happen again. I want to get into uni and that means putting in my 101%.

Putting in my 101% would mean that I shouldn't dream of 52623 anymore. My life should just center around my studies and on service. It's hard really hard because I have been trying to do that since God knows how long. It's not like I can't help it not to think of him or anything. But I just need the willpower to do so I guess. Aiya, I don't want to bother about it anymore.

Christmas this year is going to be so different. I am not going to spend christmas with my friends. I am sore about that because this entire christmas weekend is screwed and I hate it. I want this christmas to be special. Really special but it seems like it is not going to happen. Oh wells. This is the life that I have to lead. I just have to submit to it I guess.