I don't know how long or how much has gone in my life since I last blogged. I feel like I've lost my soul. My life feels like it has been bombarded by so many things out there in the world, that I Don't know what other things are there in my life anymore.

People may say that their life is messed up. But is it because they chose to live their life that way? I mean how can our lives be messy unless we let it be? However, does this mean that those of us who feel that our life is messed up means that we are not good enough? I'm really not sure but I do know that life isn't all that perfect. We are always faced with different obstacles, be it love, school or even friends and family. How we overcome these obstacles would determine who we truly are.

I don't want to go around deluding myself or people anymore. I am sick in my heart and in my mind. I feel like the loneliness I feel is overwhelming and all I seriously long for is the love that I felt when I was with him. It's not that I just fell out of love but more like, somehow I feel a sense of lost. Maybe I've been feeling it since the day that he left which was almost 2 years ago. Maybe I am just so weak that I can overcome this sense of longing and lost. I shouldn't be using any more reasons to cover up this longing. I hate to be alone and I SERIOUSLY hate it. I think this would mean both physical loneliness and emotional loneliness. I embrace the times when I had someone whom I can share my deepest thoughts with, to share my joy and sadness, to share my deepest secrets.

My friends who are reading this entry may think that I am too weak. But let this be an avenue for me to say my deepest thoughts. You may blame it on the books or even the shows that I watch that cause me to hold on so dearly to love or even relationships. But it's not any of these things that are causing me to feel this way. Please don't blame anyone or anything for me feeling this way. I guess I let my heart rule over my head when it comes to such situations.

I miss the one who will make me laugh. I miss the one who makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, who loves me for who I am and not because he wants me to give him physical pleasure. I miss the one who makes me feel like I am the only one in the room when we are in one. I miss the one who will give me that big hug when I feel so unloved or when he feels like he has too much love to spare for me. Above all, I miss hearing the three most important words that mean the whole world to me (only when it is said from the bottom of the heart).