I've come to realise what is one thing that I really want to do for the past two years. I've always wanted to watch our annual fireworks display at the esplanade with someone special. The past two years have been exceptionally hard whenever I hear that there is a fireworks display because well, I haven't been able to find the special someone to watch it with.

People who know me will always tell me that there are more important things in life than finding that someone special to spend special days with. I know that and I have been devoting most of my time in my studies and church stuff, not wasting time in my life. However, there is this void that seems to be perpetually there. I can't seem to fill it even with the hustle and bustle of life. Sometimes, even when having a lot of friends around me, doesn't fill it up either.

Maybe it's escapism where I try to run away from problems that seem to be always there. In times when things are so tough especially at home, I figure that I seek solace in someone that can lend me that emotional support. Maybe that was why he left my life in the first place. Maybe I'm not the person that anyone wants to be with. That's why it's so hard to find that special someone. Maybe it's in God's plan that I am to remain single all my life.

Somehow when the people around me seem to be happy and share their joy with me, I want to be truly happy for them. But it's so hard because I can't feel for them.

(To Someone) Somehow it seems like you finally play an important role in my life. I wouldn't want to tell it in your face because I am afraid that things will change between the both of us. Yes, I am jealous but yet I also know that you cannot do anything about it. As long as you're happy with what you are doing, I guess I will not say anything more. =)


(To my friends) I'm fine. Maybe it's the time of the month that I have become either very touchy or very moody. Just believe me when I say that I'm fine. I suppose if there's really something up, I will share with you guys. =)