I retract my words about TJ coming into the office on Thursday. She came into the office in the afternoon and horrors of horror I was sleeping at my desk. Thank goodness I woke up in time. I wish that she didn't come in at all because SHE WAS MAKING A HELL OF A LOT OF NOISE IN THE OFFICE DESTROYING THE PEACE AND QUIET. I simply don't understand why she can't admit her mistakes when she jolly well knows that she was the one who made the mistake.

Anyway it was a consolation that we - cia, lance and me, went to watch Forbidden City. IT WAS SO GOOD. I mean it was really worth my $74 but of course I kana cheated about the seats la. I was blocked by the railing because I am SHORT. But nevertheless, I still manange to enjoy the musical finding the nice spots to watch it through the gap or leaning forward. In any case, it wa a really enjoyable evening when we met up for dinner and talked rubbish. I tell you, the amount of crap we talk is enough to make me happy. =)

The musical struck a chord with me. I really want to perform and bring joy to people's lives and I hope to achieve that during the musical that I am participating in this year. I could identify with the empress too - the feeling of being misunderstood, the loneliness. It's like mny life, walls are being built where people cannot come in and I cannot come out. Sometimes I feel like I'm living behind a mask.

I'm tired.

My previous attempts to blog were foiled as I ran out of things to write about. I don't want to appear too emo or seem like I complain all the time. Yet, my blog is the place where I practice the freedom of speech to a certain extent where I know that I won't land myself into trouble.

Okay, not that I want to really complain but WHAT"S WITH SINGAPOREANS AND THE POLES? I simply don't understand why people must lean or stand so close to the poles and block others from coming in especially during the peak hours. It's so frustrating because all of us are trying to get to work on time and there you have inconsiderate people who block the way just because they are afraid to fall when the train moves even though it's so stable. Seriously! WHY ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE POLES IN THE TRAINS? It's so similar to why aren't people moving all the way in when they board the bus and insists on standing near the doors. SERIOUSLY! Are there ghosts at the back of the bus?

Then comes the KS syndrome. You know at work I have to call people to remind them to return this mail that is only due in about 3 weeks time? It's so dumb because the customers are like I thought it's up to 16 Oct? And I feel like a robot repeating myself over and over again as with each phone call I make. Talking on the phone now just deters me. No offense to my friends. You can still call me and I will still chat with you as long as I don't have to repeat those lines that I say at work.

Went to redeem my movie passes for 'The Banquet' today. Watched it with Karthi. I tell you, I've never watched one chinese epic movie that has this much blood and so much dialogue that I nearly fell asleep in the movie. One I couldn't bear to look at them being tortured or being killed. Just too painful for the eyes. And the ending! OH MY WORD. Like I am dying to know who killed Zhang Ziyi! Seriously!!!! I didn't sit through the movie for so long only to see her die without knowing who killed her. But guys who watch it would probably love it because you get to see her body in full glory from the back. But wadeva, I wasn't really interested. Walked to Raffles City after the movie and someone commented that Karthi looks like Simon Webb from Blue. It really made his day but it didn't make him buy me my white tea with rose buds. =(

The haze is back and is bad. It had better clear soon and it's so sad that Robbie Williams ain't coming to Singapore anymore! This is really really bad and I am not even going to watch Wang Lee Hom when he is coming. I should go into mourning like literally. Okay, I am just kidding here. Don't scream at me.

Another day at work tomorrow without TJ. Fantastic. Going to watch Forbidden City too. =)

In the hustle and bustle of life, we tend to forget what and who are the most important to us. This can be our faith, our friends and/or our family. Then it comes down to whether we make it a point to keep in contact with these people that are important to us. We tend to take things for granted that these close ones will always be there for us even if we don't make the effort to keep in contact with them.

Then comes the part about us always thinking about ourselves and those around us. Our actions affect one another and what's worse, our speech too. Very often, the slip of the tongue can cause major disagreements and ultimately, ruin the relationships that we have built.

Then there are some of us who well like to keep things to ourselves and expect people to be able to read our minds to find out what is happening to us - the reason behind why we are being so moody etc. Or expect people to know how we feel about them. This assumption would cause rifts too because no one person knows us better than God and how would the person know how you are feeling unless you open your mouth to say it? I mean this doesn't apply to BGR but I figure every single human relationship that we have to deal with.

Yet, there are some who are very vocal and can't keep their mouths shut for even 2 minutes. They always have to find someone to talk to and in the end irritate those around them. It seems like they always have to talk or they will die. To make matters worse, they always brag or talk about the same thing. Yet, your realise that the conversation just revovles around them. Maybe they feel loney, maybe they just need to build up their esteem by talking about themselves all the time.

There are so many of us out there in the world who belong to many other categories of people that are not mentioned here. Yet, we all have to do some self-reflection to know who we really are and be true to ourselves. Of course not at the expense of pissing people off.

I've said my piece.

Just got back from the movie treat by Kelly Services. Went to watch Miami Vice and we even got free popcorn and drink! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Didn't pay for the movie or food. Had dinner or rather TEA after the movie at Macs and my dad came to pick me up.

I think I really suffer from the effects of studying mass comm. The whole time during the movie I was focusing more on the camera shots and stuff rather than the plot. Ok la, I was also marvelling at the cars and the boats. Really nice!!!!! If only I were rich. Anyway shall blog more tml. A bit brain dead already.

Went for dinner with Cia and a barbaric gentleman today. <- see the oxymoron? Hahaha. That barbaric gentleman would be Jacob and he was so nice to pay for dinner! Hahahahaha. Anyway we had pizza hut for lunch and well went to TCC for desert after that in which I had my pink rose buds tea again. =)

Anyway I finished reading both of Jason Hann's books and I must say that they were really entertaining. I wonder what is it like to live in such a household. It must be pretty fun, after all, grown adults behaving like kids once in a while seem to be enticing. LOL. I mean it's a whole new experience altogether and it ain't that easy living with people other than your family. But yet, it can be pretty interesting too. So, anyone game for bunking in an apartment with me? LOL.

Tomorrow will be a happy day at work. YAYS!

Survived a day at work staring at the computer for what seem the longsest time trying to see if the numbers match. I guess it's just all in a day's work.

Well, I spent the time doing a lot of thinking while on my way home from work. Thinking about this complex thing of human relationships especially with the opposite sex. No it's not that I'm thinking of getting attached day in and day out but more of thinking of the consequences of getting in a relationship.

Many times, we just focus on the happiness of relationships and hide the pain that comes along with it. Yet, there are times where we don't even know why we get ourselves into this complex relationship. Then, comes the times when we throw in the towel and at the end of the day, not only get hurt but hurt others as well. It's sad just to think about it.

Then there are the decisions we make when we are 'in love'. Sometimes you wonder whether the decisions we make is because we want to find acceptance in the other party or is it because we really want to be on the same level as the other person so as to know the person better? Then, I would say that when we are 'in love' we behave like we are those teenagers again. You know, rash and impulsive, acting on the emotions that we feel.

No it's not that I am speaking about particular people but more of reflecting on myself and my perspective on relationships. We are all fragile people who hate to be lonely, who especially hate to be hurt but yet again and again, we all feel this way. We know what we are looking for in another person but yet don't possess the great amount of love to love someone long enough not to hurt them. And when differences become too great to bear, we often take the easy way out even though it may be an amicable break. Yet, we all still believe in this thing called love.

Even me, I still wish for the day to have that nice slow dance with someone to take things slow and easy, savouring every moment of being in love. To paint that rosy picture without any blemishes. I know that my time will come when God decides to let it come.

But my encouragement to those who are going through that difficult time of mending that broken heart or making that decision of letting go of that love you have for another person, we never know why the other party behaves the way they do but yet if we really love the person, we would want the best. When we want the best, sometimes it's best to let go. Yet don't give up on yourself because you hurt those who are around you. Don't mask your pain because it will only make you feel worse. That facade won't make you feel better. Share the pain with someone you trust because ultimately, it is equal to halving the burden. =)

I seriously don't understand why sometimes even though I am this old, still do not have the luxury of staying out as late as possible. To quote some examples, I would love to go to the airport to pick my 'bro' up after not seeing him for so long, but because he only arrives at 10.30 at night, I can't go even though the airport is not technically very far away from home. Or the other time when Chuanyao was back and wanted to meet for supper. Hey it's not like he's always back home and can meet up for supper. It really sux sometimes because I can't hang out with my friends as long as I wish to. Like I don't have the luxury of watching late night movies as well, it's too dangerous to be out so late as so according to my parents even though it's so rare that I do want to stay out that late.

Yes, I do understand their concern but sometimes it just irks me. Afterall, I wonder how long more will this go on for, would it run on till before I get married? Bummer.

Okay, and so I'm blogging during the exciting Liverpool VS Chelsea game. I nearly died of a heart attack again when it was a narrow chance of Liverpool leading the game. *Shakes head* Get your head in the game!!!!!!! We need to win against Chelsea!!!!!

Another day at work tomorrow. New resolution, try not to take leave even if my superior is being such an irritating, codenscending boss. I simply don't have tolerance for people who think that they know everything.

The emotional rollercoaster that one has to go through sees itself travelling through the loops, the highs and the lows. Many are disappointed with me with the way I deal with my disappointment, disappointed with me to see that there are better things out there which concerns me more than my results but yet I place my results above all else, more so because I am perceived to be the role model for many. I'm sorry.

Many say that God cannot be blamed for how I am feeling. Yes, I have to admit that they are right but yet, at that moment and even now, I am still learning to grapple with it. Close friends would be failed time and time again by me because they see the way I struggle through these periods of time where I blame God. That's my shortfall. I recognise it and yet find it so hard to change.

Maybe it's the hour of the day that I am even more emotional than before. Yet, maybe it was the turn of events today that made me feel this way. Coming to terms with my results is a difficult process and even more so, difficult to digest. Maybe it is because my grades reassure me of who I really am or how much I am worth even though I know my identity in Christ. I'm not proud to say that I am not that confident girl that many of you think that I am. Even though I blame others especially God when things go wrong, deep inside all my failures tear me down even more. If anyone really knows my inner thoughts, being, they would know I am all torn up inside.

You may say that I am drama or highly emotional. I cannot fault you but you know sometimes some live behind this facade and when you tear us down to find our true selves, you will be amazed. I sit here today even though I know that I feel better after doing my quiet time, still feeling all torn up inside.

I long for someone to tell me that should the sky fall on me, they'll be there to hold it up. I long for people to reassure me of who I really am not just in God but here in this place. Results may not be everything but they play a part in my life. You know when people say that they find things to feel that void or to get over issues, education is my form of escapism. Plunging myself into the work, studying like nobody's business, that's me.

I'm sorry to all out there who are disappointed with me. Just give time to recover to find the footing that reassures me of who I am again.

Nothing can console me at this point in time. Maybe no one would understand how important my grades are to me especially with my hopes and dreams. Maybe now all I want to do is to give up and not bother about what God has installed for me already. I have had enough of God's games. Why? Why can't I get the results I worked hard for? Why are my grades so medicore?

God you dashed my hopes and dreams in just one day. Are you satisfied? Are you happy that for the past three semesters you made a fool out of me? Why? Just tell me why?! Life is full of shit as it is already and I don't need You to make it any worse for me.

No one understands. No one understands the thoughts that are running through my mind right now. I feel like everything has come to a stop for me. I have no more will power to press on. I have had enough of you making fun of me. I have had enough of life pulling fast ones on me.

I'm not rich and all I can dream of is getting that scholarship to move on to pursue my dreams. Now, it's all gone. Are you happy now? Taking things away from me? You want me to trust and have faith in you? Tell me how to do so because when I did, all I felt was more disappointment than before. You were the only one whom I thought would understand but God, you don't. I'm sorry for that fact.

Took half day of work today. My body is aching like crazy from sat dance prac. It wasn't this bad yesterday and today, I had to pull myself out of bed just to get to work. =( Anyway, nothing much to blog about.

Can't wait to go away on a holiday. I need a break. I need to find my direction about everything again.

Another day to look forward to tml. Yeah Rite. Tomorrow it's back to work and you know how much I hate work. Of course because it's gonna be a long week ahead now that Cia is going to Bintain for iDare. Bummer.

Went for the CNL Wind Ensemble concert yesterday. Though it was only 9 pieces, I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the concert. Music played from the heart, touches the heart. That was exactly what I felt last night whilst I was there. Two of the pieces were based on poems and those were beautiful poems. Bummer that I don't remember the titles though. =( Otherwise I would blog it here. In any case, I went to the concert with Ally and we bumped into Yihui and Rachel there! It has been like 3 years since I last saw Yihui. Glad that she's doing well. The encore piece was a jazz piece with all the famous jazz songs that we love. The grin on my face was so wide. You wouldn't want to know why. HAHAHAHAHA.

I was just thinking, human relationships are so fragile because people walk in and out of your life so many a time that it's so hard to keep up with it. Take for example, friends that we make when we were younger, how many of them do we actually keep in touch with? I suppose not many of us can say that we keep in touch with all of them.

Enough rambling for now. I'm so sick and tired of thinking about work. Bummer.

It's my 160th post today. I guess I'm suffering from a varied mix of emotions - anger, hurt, happiness etc.

Going to work just after 3 days is becoming a real chore to me and I am starting to think of excuses not to go to work. Dealing with rude customers either their scolding or slamming the phone, dealing with my superior, it's just too much to bear for half a day, what more a day. The countdown to me getting out of the office is just starting earlier and earlier. I just can't wait to step out of the office and be reconnected to the world again. Afterall, I don't have reception of my mobile phone nor can I use the Internet to communicate with the outside world (excluding the phone calls that I have to make). I just can't wait for October 20.

Went to meet my mum and sister for dinner and movies after work today. Wanted to pay for the dinner at TCC but upon hearing that there was a discount for Citibank credit card holders, my mother took up the bill instead. Oh bummer. Went to watch Devil Wears Prada again because I love the show so much. Was really irritated in the show because it was so noisy and the lady sitting beside me kept giving her two cents worth about everything that I felt like telling her to shut the f*** up. I mean can't she watch the movie silently? How rude people can be even after repeated reminders about talking during the movie. What made it worse, her boyfriend stepped on my foot. LIKE WTH. Halfway through the movie, I couldn't take it anymore and moved to the seat next to my sister but of course it didn't help much because I could still hear her. WAT A BITCH.

I just don't understand why people just never learn. They don't learn how to be a courteous person learning the proper behaviours in different situations or even from their past mistakes. I mean yes I do know that it is difficult to learn sometimes but still, basic courteousy? It's been instilled from young. No excuse should be given. What's more, I think that life is all about learning from your mistakes. If you had made a mistake once about relationships, learn from it and try not to commit it again. Such as if you know that the person will lead you on, only to tell you that he/she doesn't like you, then learn from your mistake. I am learning too but it takes a lot of willpower to do it. If I can do it being such a sentimental person, I don't understand why some people can't. Why be so stubborn to hold on to something that you know you cannot hold on to? Why make your life so miserable? You have only one life.

One Life. Live it. That should be what keeps you going even if you're a Christian - this is of course with God's direction.

Working life is not easy much less handling human relationships at home. When you have had a bad day at work, the last thing you actually need is some rubbish attitude from someone. Imagine having to call so many people a day - some will be nice and respond courteously, some will just slam the phone, some will blame you for mistakes that you did not make, this list can just go on and on. But what irks me the most is that I am doing something I REALLY HATE TO DO.

What irks me too is that I have to come home and see someone's face, withstand her behaviour and attitude. You know that I hate people who always think that they know it all. What's worse, I hate it when people talk as though they are gangsters. Get the drift?

Ranted enought. Had lunch in office today because it was the last day of one of the girls and she treated us to pizza. Walked out of the office a couple of times to check on my mobile phone because it's so shitty to be in the basement of a building and not have reception. ARGHS. The only source that keeps me going in the office is GONE. The internet in office sux too. So many restrictions. The superior just irks me too. One of those kind of people that I cannot tolerate.

I'm sorry that I don't have the love or patience of God to deal with such behaviour. I am human. This is the same for those who are working along with me in the ministry. I do not like it when I am questioned back and forth over my personal life when I refuse to divulge more, I dislike people who are just plain irresponsible and what's more, think that they are in the right when they are being reprimended.

Wondering why I'm flaring up at this point in time? Go figure. I just have had enough of people whom I dislike.

Anyway, today was my first day at work and I am all ready to throw in the towel. I don't like making phone calls and yet I have to make 800 of them in just this batch alone. I have another 2 batches to go. What made it worse was the big hoo ha that occurred in the office due to some phone line and you know being my first time meeting my superior, I would have loved to have a good first impression of her. Unfortunately, it was a terrible first impression because all she did was to behave like a bitch! I mean being frigging unreasonable never mind but to scream at the top of her voice when we are suppose to be talking to clients, was totally uncalled for. Imagine, I was trying to grapple with the new job, trying to get work done and there she was making a nuisensce of herself. Never mind if it was only in the morning, the entire day she was just making such big fusses over things that she didn't need to. ARGHS! I WANT TO QUIT.

Trust me, you will never understand how we (ciA*, jacob and me) feel unless you meet her.

During lunch, we walked to Macs thinking that it will be all quiet because there wasn't really anybody then came the nightmare. A group of kindergarden children came up. Imagine the racket that they were creating. I mean I am fine with children and definitely with them running around but not when I had a bad morning already. But well they did brighten up my day a little because of their bubbliness. If you had heard the conversations that were going on, you would have a smile on your face as well. =)

So after work, my parents picked me up and we went for dinner. Bought two new books by Jason Hann the guy who writes for 8 days. Local writers. Should start reading more publications by them. Read this really nice story in an e-mail that En sent. Shall post it here. It's entitled Daniel and Jasmine in 30 Days.

Message: can any message be more touching than this

Daniel: I guess we are the only left overs in this world

Jasmine: I think so...All my friends have boyfriends & we are the only 2 persons left in this world without the special someone in our lives.

Daniel: Yup! I don't know what to do.

Jasmine: I know! We can play a game.

Daniel: What game?

Jasmine: I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days and you can be my boyfriend.

Daniel: That's a great plan. In fact, I don't have anything planned for the next few weeks.

Day 1:
They watched their first movie together & were both touched in the romantic film.

Day 4:
They went to the beach & had a picnic... Daniel and Jasmine had their quality time together.

Day 12:
Daniel invited Jasmine to the circus and went to the Horror House. Jasmine was scared and she tried to touch Daniel's hand but by accident she touched someone else's and they both laughed

Day 14:
They saw a fortune teller down the road and asked for their future. "My darlings please don't waste the time of your lives...spend your time happily" Then tears flow from the fortune teller's eyes

Day 20:
Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and saw a meteor... Jasmine mumbled something.

Day 28:
They rode on a bus and because of the bumpy road, Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident

Day 29:
11.37pm - Daniel and Jasmine were both sitting in the park where they first decided to play the game.

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine...Do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one...I'll just go down the road.

Jasmine: Apple juice would be fine. Thanks.

Daniel: Wait for me

20 mins later a stranger approached Jasmine

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?

Jasmine: Yes, why? What happened?

Stranger: A reckless driver ran over Daniel and is now in critical condition in hospital.

11.57pm - The doctor came out of the emergency room and handed Jasmine the Apple Juice & a letter.

Doctor: We found this in Daniel's pocket.

Jasmine read the letter:
Jasmine, these past few days I realised you are a really cute girl and I am falling in love with you.. your cherished smile, your everything when we played this game...before this game ends, I want to you to be my girlfriend for the rest of my life. I love you, Jasmine.

Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:

"Daniel! I don't want you to die...I love you... Remember that night we saw a meteor? I mumbled something...I wished that we would be together forever and never end this game.Please don't leave me Daniel, I love you. You can't do this to me."

Then the clock striked 12.

Daniel's heart stopped pumping.

Then it was the 30th day...

We just gotta learn to cherish the people around us. If we want to tell them how we really feel, we should do it and not worry about the consequences. If we don't seize the opportunity, when will we ever do that? Remember that phrase, Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Don't hesitate any further.

I am finally sitting down comfortably on my sofa after a long day being on my feet. PAIN! Anyway doing the workshop for the secondary school kids wasn't that fun after all. I felt so bored just waiting and waiting for the kids to come, a waste of my time eh. But it's okay, I suppose the SEAL points made up for the time.

After that, went to meet Gareth and En for lunch in town. HAHAHAHA. We went to Crystal Jade to eat Xiao Long Bao. SO DELICIOUS. After all, we haven't been there for like AGES. So I came to the conclusion that we only meet Gareth once a year. So terrible. Anyway, after eating we went walking around town to look to do some shopping! Hahaha. More like walking around and looking at weird and quirky clothes for Gareth. But in any case, I came home with a new pair of heels. HEE.

However, I was so astonished when I saw that Neckerman had used the same designs as Papilio! What copycats! And of course Singaporeans being so cheapo would want to buy the cheapo versions. RAHHHHH! Beware of imitiations!

Anyway I came home because I had recieved a phone call asking me to help out to be an interviewee for the national debates which will be shown on Suria. It was rather interesting because it is the second time that I will appear on the small screen! The first time was when I was 5 and went on screen with my grandmother. If you wanna catch that mini interview, tune in on 16 Sept, Suria.

I don't know what to say but well, I just wish life could be easier when it comes to human relationships.

I am worried about you. I'm sorry that you feel like you are the butt of jokes, that you are taken for granted but I just wanted to say that you are my friend and always will be my friend. Sometimes, life can be such a bitch when people say things that are really unpleasant to you. But I really want you to know that you have friends around you, who are willing to share your woes, your joys, your pain, your troubles. Even if you feel like the whole world is coming down on you, God is there. He is your friend and always will be. That's the same way with me.

Sometimes, all of us gotta learn how when to take people's words to heart and when not to. Sometimes we need to take life easy yet there are times to be serious as well. There are many more sometimes and yets in life but most importantly, never give in to the thought of giving up in this world because things will never get easier this way. Life is all about making it the way we want it to be, of course with God's direction. The way we lead our lives is the road to making the world a better place. Seek solace in God. Seek solace in the friends that are willing to listen. This is what makes life so much easier to deal with.

I can understand how people in such situations feel. I was once in that position yet escaping was never a solution. It only made me feel worse. Knowing those around you, those who love you and are there for you are so much better in dealing with it. Escapism is NEVER an option. I hope you seriously go find solace in God. If it means going for a short break to find God in a place without distraction, go ahead. That is the most important. Come back refreshed and ready to face this world again. Remember, life as we grow older will only get tougher and not easier. Knowing how to deal with it is a much better way. Pray if you need to, cry if you need to, but remember to turn back to the bible for the words of encouragement that can only lift your spirits up.

I bring terrible news. Steve Irwin has passed away. I am saddened by the fact that a talented man as such has passed away. After all, it was him that got us all interested in the reptile world with his craziness. I am sure we will miss him dearly.

On a brighter note, we went to celebrate Nad's birthday today. Happy Belated 18th Birthday. So we just went window shopping and well had dinner at Pizza Hut. To our dismay, I think the service there is not fantastic and what's worse, I think that the utensils are not that fantastically clean. So a big disclaimer there.

My blog skin is soooo nice. Hahaha. I love it. Simple and plain. Yet, it speaks a thousand words with that picture. I love it.

Another day in school tomrrow. Hopefully the secondary school kids will give me their attention.

Bummer. It's the holidays and I gotta go to school today and tomorrow. =( So anyway I'm starting work on Wednesday. SHOW ME THE MONEY! Hahaha. That line was taken from Jerry Miguire. My life couldn't be more exciting.

We went to visit the baby and the mother yesterday at the hospital. The baby is so small! As I cradled her in my arms, I felt so good. Ok la, I'm not thinking of being a mother at this point in time. But yes, I came to the realisation that mothers are the best people on earth. The pain that they had to endure to bring us to this world is so commendable.

I need my creative juices back. I want to continue writing but I'm so lazy. God, give me the discipline and better still, give me the direction. =)

Congratulations to Peifern and Zhiqiang on the safe arrival of their baby daughter, Le Xuan today! We received the good news while I was at this church event - Route 66, in celebration of the bible.

Nothing much happened today except for the fact that I lost a tuition student because she was simply not interested in studying.

Anyway went to watch Devil Wears Prada this morning with my DG. It's a really nice movie. I learnt some life lessons from there as well. We can all pursue the fame and money that we want but at the expense of some things that are important in life. This can come in the form of actually feeling the sense of satisfaction from your job to even relationships that are important in life. It set me thinking about my life in the future. I wonder if I would become like Anne Heathaway. Be sucked into the world of fame and fortune without even knowing it and then start losing all that is important to me. It's a scary thought actually because it's like selling my soul to my job. To put it simply, it happens in my student life as well. Grades and everything that matters to me has sucked me into a world where I tend to neglect what is important to me. Sometimes I realise that I haven't spent enough time with my friends especially during the school term and now even in the holidays just because I am too busy earning money.

Sometimes I wish that someone would slap me in my face or shake me by my shoulders to tell me to face reality, wake up and see what's important to me. Yet sometimes I wish I can realise my dreams faster so that at the end of the day, I know that I haven't lived my life in vain. The irony of it all.

I don't know what to say but just that I trust in you, God to show me the way. To tell me the answers to the questions I have presented before you. Though it can be tiring at times to wait for Your answers, I pray that I will be faithful to wait on you. I trust that God you will provide in this path that you have set before me.

I miss someone. No I will not divulge who I miss but yes, I miss someone. The feeling of missing someone is terrible because you consistently think about that person, wishing that the person is well and wishing that some form of communication will soon take place. You know, even with the advancement in technology which helps us overcome the different timezones, it can never satisfy the need for human relationships. I think my aunt will know this best. Being away for so long in England and having that little communication with us back home and of course with the aid of the Internet, she probably still miss home. It's so ironic that we use technology to overcome this feeling of homesickness, living on e-mails or praying that people come online so that we can talk. But how often does that help us overcome our intense longing for home? I think it makes you miss home even more.

I don't why I thought about all these especially since I'm sitting in the comforts of my bedroom but I was probably reflecting on my times when I was away. Yet on the other hand, sometimes this physical distance that we note I'm talking about can be good. It's a form of escapism and something that I long to do. the thought about going overseas to study is so enticing especially in this academically driven society. One that I am so sick off. But, missing home would then become an issue.

Talking about going overseas, I think I blogged about my dream of getting into New York Uni. Sometimes I feel that the dream is drifting further and further away from me. So much for having ideals. Okae. So much for this being early in the morning for me. I can't wait to watch the movie later. I don't think I will cry this time.