The emotional rollercoaster that one has to go through sees itself travelling through the loops, the highs and the lows. Many are disappointed with me with the way I deal with my disappointment, disappointed with me to see that there are better things out there which concerns me more than my results but yet I place my results above all else, more so because I am perceived to be the role model for many. I'm sorry.

Many say that God cannot be blamed for how I am feeling. Yes, I have to admit that they are right but yet, at that moment and even now, I am still learning to grapple with it. Close friends would be failed time and time again by me because they see the way I struggle through these periods of time where I blame God. That's my shortfall. I recognise it and yet find it so hard to change.

Maybe it's the hour of the day that I am even more emotional than before. Yet, maybe it was the turn of events today that made me feel this way. Coming to terms with my results is a difficult process and even more so, difficult to digest. Maybe it is because my grades reassure me of who I really am or how much I am worth even though I know my identity in Christ. I'm not proud to say that I am not that confident girl that many of you think that I am. Even though I blame others especially God when things go wrong, deep inside all my failures tear me down even more. If anyone really knows my inner thoughts, being, they would know I am all torn up inside.

You may say that I am drama or highly emotional. I cannot fault you but you know sometimes some live behind this facade and when you tear us down to find our true selves, you will be amazed. I sit here today even though I know that I feel better after doing my quiet time, still feeling all torn up inside.

I long for someone to tell me that should the sky fall on me, they'll be there to hold it up. I long for people to reassure me of who I really am not just in God but here in this place. Results may not be everything but they play a part in my life. You know when people say that they find things to feel that void or to get over issues, education is my form of escapism. Plunging myself into the work, studying like nobody's business, that's me.

I'm sorry to all out there who are disappointed with me. Just give time to recover to find the footing that reassures me of who I am again.