I wish I was a kid once over again - not worrying about anything, crying freely when I need to let things go, not facing with so many expectations nor pressure, heartbreak. There is just too much to bear at this point in time.

When you feel that you need a good cry, you would wish that your tear ducts will co-operate with you. Somehow mine chose not to work with me today and I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to hurt the people around me with my feelings but I really really cannot lead my double life anymore. It's tiring to be happy on the outside and sad on the inside.

I'm tired of living a life that it's filled with people's expectations of me. Nobody said that being the daughter of a pastor would be easy, but I'm tired of all the restrictions that are being imposed on me. Just as people don't like people dictating my life, I feel like people are dictating mine. Decisions I make are not only for myself but for people whose eyes are always upon me and what I do. It's not that I am saying that these restrictions are that bad. Just like my dad would say, these restrictions probably stopped me from having those MAJOR emotional baggage.

if God's expectations are my expectations, life would be so simple. If people start leaving me alone to lead my life, that will be awesome. If my heart could be healed in double quick time, that will do me good. If I never knew this thing called love or heartbreak, then maybe love would mean something different to me now.

Call me emo, call me whatever you wish but if you see me, see through me, see my eyes not just me on the outside. There's more to me than meets the eye. Now the question is, do you really know me?

Where are you guys when I needed you the most?