It's been a long day for me. Not because I went out but I guess it's because I have been struggling with one question for the entire day. Can anyone feel so tired serving God?

I don't know why but I dread having to do the things that I know I am suppose to do when I serve God in this capacity. It's probably not because I don't reap any results from anything but because of the inability to see eye to eye with the leadership. No I am not saying that I want to be on the top but more of I cannot see what good is there when they make certain decisions. Ministry cannot be about me and I know that because we are leaders serving a group of youths that need to be taught and nurtured. And because we are serving a group of people, it cannot be the phrase "it's for your own good" that keeps popping out whenever decisions are made for the younger leaders. Maybe our perceptions are different that is why there are so many rough edges to be honed.

I don't know why but each time I hear the phrase, "it's for your own good" i will think back on the things that I learnt in Australia. How the people suffered even though the government kept saying that it was for their own good that they were taking the half-caste children away from their parents. Would this pose as a negative effect if I keep thinking like the way I am thinking now? How will this phrase affect my life in time to come?

Was speaking to my mum yesterday about how God had worked in my life whilst I was away in Perth. Before I left, there were some stuff that happened at home that made me want to leave immediately and run away from all the problems then when I was there, I kept insisting on wanting to come home. By and by as I stayed there and ran a household like how my parents do back home, I began to understand the frustrations that they go through and how uptight one can be. I never really thought all that much about home or my family while I was out at Rottnest Island or even at the Nature Reserve, I was only thinking about one person. But I guess God reminded me of my family when I went to church that one Sunday. I am glad that Georgie pulled me to church otherwise I would never have heard the reminder of God about family life and what is it like to be a godly family. All the events were interlinked. Even how I felt when I learnt that children were taken away from their parents. It opened my eyes to see that I have truly been blessed. Maybe that's why I have rather high expectations at home now. To be given the opportunity to sit down and have dinner is a blessing. To have my mum, even though she's battling with so many illnesses with me and having her around to talk to, is a blessing. Though my dad and I have our differences, I am glad that we haven't had any since I came back. God has certainly worked in my life through this trip.

To those who are reading this and are christians, please uphold me and my family in prayer. Pray that the Lord will help me look at things from a different perspective and seek to be His servant again. Help me find the joy in serving God. Pray for my mother that she will be strong physically, mentally, emotionally and most importantly in her faith as she battles with all the illnesses.